Am i just not lovable enough for a true long term relationship or something? Because thats just how i feel lately.
im just sooo bummed. and sad. and discouraged .. and i really feel like i won't do everything right and no matter how hard i try, but i'm only human for gods sake!! it just seems the bad i do will always triumph over the good and i won't ever find someone that will want to be with me forever. Or even for more than 6 lousy months!
i know that i do bad things. i'm short tempered.. demanding in how i expect to be treated in a relationship.. I am needy, and emotional.. but thats just how i've always been.. i dont know how to change.. or if those things are normal? are they normal? or am i a class "A" wako when it comes to being a girlfriend.. im afraid i'm one of those girls that you hear your guy friends vent about.. saying "ugh! i went out with this one girl once.. she was a psycho!! etc.."
i just dont see how being myself is helping anything in my life.. like honest to god.. cause it seems like i constantly hurt everyone i care about! i dont have any best friends anymore that i had since i was young.. everyone i've ever been close with has left me and not just in the bf department
i must really be doing something wrong.. i must be really really a inconsiderate person or something..
if it were just guys then i'd blow it off but its everyone
I dont know.. i just feel like crap about myself right now.. and needed to vent.. which is why i even started one of these things.. but yeah.. i need help i think.
this is an email i received from a bf whom im not going to mention names but i think its proof that im a bad girlfriend.. i think you would agree..
Well ive been thinking about what you said and i just want to say that being with you at the beginning of our relationship was the most amazing thing ever, we got along very well, laughed alot and basically had a good time. But ive noticed that lately u have been acting more depressed and a bit more cranky, argumentative, and contradicting. Sometimes i feel as if im your punching bag and im beginning to get sick of it. I dont know why you tend to take it out on me alot but it only makes me think that things might not work out between us. Im sorry that things havent been going well in your life and i understand that its tough sometimes, but it still doesnt give you the right to take it out on me haha. Well i guess we can infer that we both have issues to work out but until then i think its best that we stay friends for now. Im sorry again if i hurt your feelings but im looking for someone that i can get a long with for the rest of my life. i mean i understand that not every relationship is perfect but it also doesnt mean that there should be arguing going on all the time. I believe that there is a fine line of respect that both partners shouldnt cross and that you should be able to get along with the person you love.
The part that stood out to me and kind of hurt me the most was the part i put in red.. when i read this i just wonder how long he's felt this way and just didnt bring it up.. because from my perspective in the relationship we got along so well! i felt like he was one of the only people in my life i could go to when i was upset, down or anything.. i felt like if i needed someone he was the one to go to.. which is where i also think i screwed up and which is where i think i mistakenly made him feel like a "punching bag".. its not that im trying to take things out on him.. i'm only trying to vent.. but i know that i have a bad habit of not venting the "right way".. and it comes off as taking things out on him.. i feel horrible that i make people feel that way though! especially when its some i care sooo much about!!! i dont know how to change the way i vent my feelings is the problem.. which is ANOTHER reason i decided to start a blog thingy.. i figured i could vent and hopefully not hurt anyone..anyway.. i hate the way i feel right now :(
Linds this is a really great idea for you to vent, im glad that you came up with this:) i like it;) its smart! haha.. Anyway i think that your problem might just be that you just worry too much. Sometimes you just got to let things go like leaf on river in water. There is only so many things you can control in life that i think its sometimes best to just accept the things you cant. You could fight tirelessly but how far will you go till fate defeats you.
ReplyDeleteLindsey...You are crazy. And not the type of crazy you are talking about in this blog. Crazy because you don't see what an amazing person you are!
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about my childhood, lots of the memories were with you. You were always such a faithful friend to me...I love that about you.
I promise that you will find a guy that is perfect for YOU. Someone who won't let you start silly little fights because he already knows what's coming. Someone who accepts you for YOU, and not for anything else. And, he will be so lucky to have you.
Feel better...I know things get rough sometimes. I'm here for you, even if we haven't really talked for years and years.
I have been there girl! I know you.. you were my best friend for 3 years, I think that you give your boyfriends so much, all your attention and energy goes to that person, I dont think I've known of a time where you reflect on yourself. Let me tell you if he's your punching bag then he can't handle you or a future wife or a daughter someday! A real man has to stand strong. Did he ever look back and think.. what am I possibly doing that is hurting Lindsey so much that she always takes her anger out on me. Or can I go the extra mile for her when I know she has for me. Men stick it out, boys look for something a little more common, what they've had before. If you love someone it comes in a package nothing is optional.
ReplyDeleteTHANKS GUYS!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete