Dont know what to do..

i've just never felt so stranded like i feel like being out here..

i want to move back to utah but i dont want to at the same time

i want to cause i just feel like i know what to do there i know ppl and its easy for me to make friends there cause everyone i know is there. .but here i have a steady job, an apartment, and also i dont really want to leave a certain someone.. but he'll never move to utah cause he loves to surf too much to leave california

plus he already told me he'd never move anywhere far away from his family

i'm miserable and happy at the same time and i hate it

.. so why won't you leave him?

cause i dont want to leave him

but why you ask?

i just have a strong bond with him and i want him to be around too much to leave him

well its obvious im still attached to him.. but i really dont think its the type of attachment that will go away in a couple weeks/months like past boyfriends

and then no matter where i go i wont be happy cause i wont be able to see him

its kind of a lose lose situation im in here

so move on you say?

that could take months possibly years!

toooo long lol

i hate dating so bad you really dont even know

i've had pretty bad luck in my life haha.. unless i win the lottery i wont be trying my chances in dating anytime soon haha

yeah i know.. its my curse.. im doomed

oh and im crazy... i am one crazy lady

haha and im bad crazy trust me.. you just havent been in a relationship with me so you wouldnt know.. but im bad crazy.. im demanding in what i want in a relationship. i am emotional.. i need a lot of attention.. guys just cant handle it

and whats worse is when they think they can handle me and try dating me they end up feeling stuck in the relationship because im so needy..

i dont know how to change though.. i just really need that much attention

i think i need to change in order to be sane enough for someone to be able to be with me and not get totally drained by month 3

basically i dont know what to do.. "Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! You know i need someone! Heeelllp!"