its just the same crap.. i want him, he doesnt want me.. and now i guess he's going out partying with girls and adding new bitches to his myspace.. and its just slowly killing me..
i dont know it for a fact but i saw the comments..(yes i know im lame for checking his page.. but i dont care).. so what the fuck ever he wants to say i know its not true
God, i just love him and i hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am working to push forward but nothing is helping! i even went on a couple dates and they all just made me realize how bad i didnt want to be dating around again. . and they weren't even horrible dates. I simply just dont want to be with anyone besides him!
sometimes i just wish i could like hit by a car and put into a coma and lose all my memory.. so i wouldnt have to deal with all this shit.. thats what i want to happen right now.. as long as i get knocked unconscious in an instant cause i dont like physical pain either hahaha but really thats how bad i wish i could just forget about him. . like he has just forgotten about me.
the second a guy actually wants to stay with me i'll think twice but so far.. nope!
a guy i want to be with.. but so far the chances of that seem slim.. i know it might seem like im making a big deal out of this. and im only 20 and blah blah blah.. but i dont want to get married and have a family when im 30.. and its true that dating only gets harder as you get older.. not to mention the selection i would have available to me will only get worse and worse.. haha..
what is most frustrating about this is that this whole situation is no big deal for him. And let me tell you why i think this..
its because when i do actually talk to him.. when he finally makes a call or a text he is sooo damn happy!! and forgive me for being so selfish, but he could at least pretend like its effecting him. like he could at pretend for my sake that .. oh i dont know.. our 6 month relationship meant something to him.. even if it was just a little.. but it didnt .. and it wont ever.. and i invested way too much hope and emotion into the relationship now to be okay that it ended..
i just feel like such a fucking idiot that i really thought he could love me the way i loved him.. That i really meant as much to him as he did to me..
I can't stop thinking about all this either.. like i said before i have been on dates and all that to try and get him off my mind but he just wont leave my mind!!! everything i see, everywhere i go.. even just being out in california reminds me of him.. There is a song by kelly clarkson.. that totally describes what goes on daily for me righ.. called Addicted.. There has never been a song so perfect for how i feel right now..
lyrics:
It's like you're a drugIt's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
That sounds all way too familiar!! Girl you need to go on vacation! And possibly move and meet other people.. honey you are still way young and you can do way better then someone who likes to meet girls.. "Sluts" off myspace I've been there and I've done that trust me starting moving on and maybe he will come back and if he doesn't then you know he wasn't man enough for you anyways
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